Deenie\’s world

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What if he knew? October 8, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — deenie @ 11:53 pm

In Junior High, I knew a boy who was very special. Okay, I didn’t actually KNOW him, know him. But I knew him in a sense that he was popular and his antics always drew attention. By antics I mean he’d make loud, borderline mean jokes at the expense of others during class. I had two classes with him: math and science. Something drew me to him, and it wasn’t just his clear blue eyes, or the way they turned down at the sides. It wasn’t his dark brown hair that fluffed over his forehead, or the sprinkling of freckles across his nose. It may have been a combination of his naughty sense of humor, plus his reckless tendency to try and make me squirm while looking me straight in the eye. In a sea of American adolescents trying so desperately to conform, he made it a point to stand apart. He simply didn’t give a damn what anyone thought. His eyes told me that. They looked bored… lazy. He had better places to be. 

It was common knowledge at the time that he’d been the first boy in our class to have sex. While the girl he slept with (let’s call her Jan) was instantly labelled a slut, he attained the status of a hero beyond his years. They dated on and off for several months. But back to me. So there I was, in biology class, when something strange happened. The boy (let’s call him Shane) was suddenly standing in front of me. With a goofy grin, he asked if we could be lab partners. Caught off guard by the fact that he had something to say to me that wasn’t a blatant insult, I was speechless. I managed to nod yes.  I don’t remember many more encounters, besides the day we had to dissect a frog. Terrified, I stood several feet away while Shane pulled the frog carcass (or whatever it’s called) out of a box. With a mischievous laugh, he flung the dead frog across a row of desks. It bounced over the wooden surfaces as though it were alive. I remember squealing in terror. The following year, Shane was expelled from school because he got caught doing drugs. I’m not sure what happened after that, but I heard he seriously cleaned up his act afterwards, and while the rest of us were finishing up high school, he was excelling elsewhere. He shed the junkie lifestyle and got serious. I heard he was dating a sweet and pretty (but kind of nerdy) girl from our school. I didn’t know her. I don’t think anyone did. But I saw them having dinner at the cozy Italian restaurant I worked at. It was too cute for words. The bad boy gone good, and the good girl who had captured his heart. 

They looked serious, though, that night. It’s what I remember most. While they were clearly very “together”, enjoying each other’s company, there was a grimness about their expressions. They were only teens, but they looked like two adults with something serious on their minds. Months later, I found out why. Because that’s when Shane died of cancer.  If I could go back, just for one day, to seventh grade math class, I would look Shane in the eye and tell him how beautiful I thought he was. I’d tell him how sorry I was that his life would be cut short; that he’d have to squeeze his whole world into a few more fleeting, unrelenting years.    What if he’d known it was only a matter of time? What if everyone knew? Would our math teacher still have yelled at him for making fun of my stupid hat?  Yes, Shane stands apart from the rest of us, even now, after his death. But we’re all going to follow, eventually, aren’t we?


Wasted beauty

Filed under: Uncategorized — deenie @ 10:45 pm

I just killed a flower. A rose, actually. A red one. You see, I was about to climb into bed when I remembered I hadn’t put this rose I bought from a little boy in water. Not wanting it to die overnight, I tiptoed downstairs and into the kitchen, where I began trying to pull the rose out of the plastic cone it was wrapped in. It seemed to be stuck with tape, so I pulled harder. Next thing I knew, the top of it popped off. Now I had a stem in one hand and a rose in the other. I felt absolutely terrible. 

Not one to give up so easily, I filled a tiny coffee cup with water and dunked the head of the rose in there. I don’t know how long it’ll last.  

It smells really nice, too. In science class back in the day, we learned that plants are living creatures. If that’s true, did this rose have any feelings? I really, really hope not. 

I’m sorry, rose.



100 Things You Should Know About Me September 29, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — deenie @ 9:34 pm

Here’s a (long) list of things about Deenie, as Izzi “tagged” me to do it 🙂 I guess you’ll know me sooner than you expected to…

1. I’m terrified of dogs and most animals, but I like them

2. I don’t like it when people think they have me all figured out. Don’t box me in!

 3. I keep a hidden diary, and though nothing in it is particularly scandalous, I would die if anyone ever read it

4. I love Ryan from The OC

5. My favorite character on Desperate Housewives is Bree, and then Gabi

6. Barbecues are one of the funnest events in the world. Especially when hot dogs are involved.

7. I’m scared of fire to the point where I can’t light a match

8. I’m proud of being a Sagittarius, and feel it’s very much me

9. Fall is my favorite season because it’s nostalgic and yet fresh at the same time

10. I enjoy almost every kind of music, even country

11. I grew up on Sweet Valley High and Saved by the Bell

12. I think Judy Blume is a brilliant writer

13. I love food. No, really. Love it.

14. I think my fitness trainer has the most charming personality

15. When I was young, I dreamt of working at a magazine, and now that I do, I can’t remember why.

16. Honesty makes me feel comfortable. But so does politeness.

17. The best looking guy I ever saw worked at Abercrombie & Fitch in Honolulu, Hawaii

18. Honolulu, Hawaii is the most beautiful place I’ve ever been.

19. … in addition to Paris. And I’m dying to go to Italy, as well as any place with rolling green hills.

20. I know it’s cheesy, but I secretly love romance novels.

21. I’m really not that interested in physical appearance.

22. I once had an uncanny, inexplicable crush on a man more than three times my age – my parents’ friend – and I never told anyone about it

23. I’m not afraid of confrontation AT ALL, when it comes to my rights (like telling someone what I think is right or wrong, talking to my boss, etc) But I’m extremely shy about meeting people for the first time.

24. I’m the biggest procrastinator ever. I even put off writing to-do lists

25. I love receiving compliments

26. I fear public speaking, and once froze while giving a speech in the 7th grade.

27. I’ve never been to Texas or Colorado, but I’ve always wanted to

28. I’ve always thought cowboys were attractive

29. My dream is to write a great novel

30. I hope to wear the hijab one day, inshallah

31. I own at least 30 books I haven’t yet read

32. Throughout my teen years, I must have had at least 200 crushes, and that’s no exaggeration

33. I tend to like guys who like me first – it makes them charming. Plus, they have good taste 😀 OK, that was obnoxious, sorry

34. My soul-mate is someone I used to fight with when we were kids

35. I love brownies

36. I think brainy guys are cute

37. I once seriously considered marrying my cousin – but I quickly came to my senses

38. I’m still afraid of ghosts

39. If I could be any actress, I’d pick Mischa Barton on The OC

40. I could never pick a favorite movie, song or book… I have millions

41. When I was 7, I pranked 911 and lived in fear for years that the cops were going to come and get me

42. I survived a tornado when I was 17.

43. I like it when people ask me where I’m from

44. I have funny-shaped thumbs that remind me of ET’s head

45. There was a time when I was a server at a restaurant in the States, and I absolutely loved it.

46. I love french fries

47. I love the show Cribs on MTV. Wish I had a dream house of my own

48. I’d love to be an astronaut, a top chef, a teacher, a librarian, a nurse, a novelist who lives by the sea, a soap opera star, a psychologist, an entrepreneur, an interior decorator, an ambassador, a hairstylist or a stay-at-home mother who makes really good cookies

49. I love sandy beaches… but who doesn’t?

50. I wish I was more religious

51. I hate it when people put ketchup in the wrong places, ie, drizzled all over fries so you can’t help but get it all over your fingers, on a napkin which gets disgustingly soggy, mixing with unrelated items on the plate, etc

52. I think bottled water tastes kind of weird, unless it’s Ghadeer

53. Having pancakes for breakfast makes my day

54. I really, truly enjoy the simple things in life

55. I’m pretty good with money without even trying*

56. I believe you should always be thankful

57. My favorite holiday in the States has always been Thanksgiving (because turkey dinner + family = winning combination)

58. I haven’t had a happy Valentine’s Day since the 3rd grade

59. My late grandmother (God rest her soul) from Ramallah once chased a 5-year-old American friend who lived on my street out of our garage with a broom, thinking he was an intruder; he never came back

60. I despise talking on the phone, and find it to be a chore, unless it’s with family or two specific friends who shall remain nameless

61. I love staying in nice hotels, especially when I’m traveling for work 🙂

62. I am highly protective of my family, and fiercely loyal to my friends

63. Lots of people mistake me for being naive, because I trust and believe in people so much, but I’m not. I see people for exactly what they are – but I also have a habit of seeing good in everyone.

64. I always managed to talk my way out of trouble in high school

65. I have 75 first cousins. Yes. And don’t get me started on second cousins…

66. I hate it when people make a joke out of sex (sex toys, gag gifts and vulgar cakes at parties), and although I’ve never had sex, I think it shouldn’t be regarded like that. But that’s just me 🙂 You can do whatever you want

67. When it comes to a guy’s looks, the most important thing to me is that he’s tall and broad-shouldered. I also like a lot of hair (on his head), warm eyes and white teeth.

68. What I don’t like is skinny calves (But I don’t mind chubby guys), feminine hands or a way-too-hairy body.

69. I never really understood the theater, and I don’t really care to.

70. Although I’m a very uncritical person, and I like almost everyone, I’m very picky about who I like as friends

71. I’ve never been in a long-term relationship, though my heart’s been broken a few times.

72. One of my biggest pet peeves is bad service

73. Religious gatherings make me feel really good inside

74. I’m not ready to die, but I’m not afraid of it

75. I’d love to live in London; I’ve never been there, but I know I’d like it

76. I wouldn’t mind being stranded on a deserted island, but only if I knew I’d be rescued. And if I had a hunky guy around to get food and build a hut

77. I love it when the sky changes colors at sunset

78. I love, love, love thunderstorms, and rainy days

79. If it wasn’t against my religion, I’d try drinking wine

80. My goal, for the past 11 years, has been to have slimmer thighs

81. I just can’t stand Dr Phil

82. I can never remember any jokes, ever

83. Jelly beans make me sick

84. I can’t dance, but I wish I could

85. I think chemistry is impossible and doesn’t make sense

86. I’d love to have a nice husband, four bright kids, an SUV and a comfortable home someday, inshallah

87. I like math – it makes me feel smart

88. I don’t like people who are inconsiderate

89. I despise people who treat their maids like shit

90. I have a soft spot for old people, especially nice old men who work for an honest living

91. I could never, ever ask for a better family or better friends*

92. The only food I don’t really like is tahini sauce. But I don’t mind it in hummus

93. I really love long car-rides, especially when someone else is driving

94. I’m really good at parallel parking

95. I wouldn’t mind going to the movies by myself

96. I cry at things that move me or when I’m happy, but I rarely cry when I’m upset

97. Making others happy makes me happy

98. I’m not a very good cook, but I’d like to be

99. I hate practical jokes. There’s nothing funny about making someone believe something that isn’t true. I only like them when they’re being filmed on TV for a reaction, but not always.

100. I don’t like surprises.


I’m blog challenged

Filed under: Uncategorized — deenie @ 7:54 pm

Hi. I actually had a list of 100 things about me but only the first 15 showed up. Does anyone know why?

I know it’s not an earth-shattering emergency for you all not to know 85 more things about Deenie, but it’s bugging me that I don’t know how to maneuver around my own site 😦

 I copied and pasted my 100 things on a Word document, so if someone can help me, there’s a chance they’ll be resurrected (LOL, thrill!)

 Thanks in advance!


Hi everybody September 24, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — deenie @ 9:39 pm

Welcome to my blog, and thanks for visiting 🙂  My name is Deenie* and I’m 24. I work in a publishing job that I love, even though it gets on my nerves a lot. About two weeks ago I told myself I’d never start a blog (because everyone else seemed to be doing it) but, alas, looks like that theory went to heck. (Am I allowed to write “hell” in here?! As you can see, I’m totally new at this…)

So I know I totally contradicted myself, but it just seemed that everywhere I turned, all I would hear was “blog, blog, blog”, and I found myself succumbing to the pressure.  Suddenly blogging sounded like fun. I guess we’ll see how that pans out 🙂 And I guess this goes to show that you should never say never, right? Well, most of the time anyway.

Today was the first day of Ramadan (in Jordan) and the second day for many others around the world (why we all can’t start on the same day is beyond me… if anyone has an answer to that question, please share) so I’d like to wish all my Muslim brothers and sisters around the world a very happy and fulfilling Ramadan… And people of all faiths and backgrounds, I also wish you happiness, peace and prosperity this month and always. 

Not to end on such a cheesy note, but I guess that’s enough for one day, no? I wouldn’t want to bore you to death from the very first post, and besides, I should get to bed. I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow. Eww, just thinking about all the work I have to do. Like I said, I love my job, but it can be very demanding, especially during crunch time, which is fast approaching… like, now 😦

But I’ve found that the most important thing when dealing with an all-consuming job like mine is to make sure to save time and energy for yourself and things you want to do outside of work. For example, I’ve been wanting to watch Grey’s Anatomy for the longest time, and I just got around to starting that today. I watched the first three episodes (not quite the Ramadan spirit, I know, but at least I acknowledge it) and I already love it. Have you seen it? I know, the show’s been on forever, and I’m freaking late to catch on… just like I’m late with starting this damn blog. But don’t tell me what happens 🙂

Yay, I’m so excited about my new blog. I can already think of 100 topics I want to write about. I hope you’ll come back and visit me soon. And thanks so much for reading it all the way through.

 Have a great day 🙂

*that’s so not my name, for the record